Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves
FYI- This post is going to be in 1st person's perspective (Naylah's)
One week later:
I spent the entire week in bed. I don't quite recall how time passed. I spent it crying, feeling sorry for myself, and quite frankly mad at myself. How did i reach this stage? I have no reliable friends..I only had Sarah. Had. Past tense. I had her and a bunch of other friends-but it wasn't the same.
The love of my life turned out to be a fantasy. Too good to be true. The love of my life was a cheater, liar and traitor. Funny how he is all these things and I still pine for him.
My heart hurts so much, i cannot get his picture out of my mind. I replayed the entire conversation in my head a million times. I reread his messages, emails, our chat logs repeatedly. I don't know what I was doing. I felt like a zombie. I felt dead.
I was lifeless. I didn't even leave the room to spend time with my family. My excuse was studies and that I had an important paper to write.
I cried so much that my eyes hurt now. I literally drowned in my tears.
I guess this is what heartbreak feels like.
I often wonder-why is it called heartbreak..it is not only my heart that feels broken..but all of me..I cannot understand why this happened to me. Why did I not see it coming???
I feel like I am going crazy.
The pain wrenches my insides. It pulls me apart.. I know that I will get over this someday. Even though i know i will continue living, i honesetly do not want to go on living.I am a pretty smart person. Studies wise that is, not street smart thats for sure. I understand that there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept.
Things that we don't want to know but are forced to learn.
The thing I know most is that there are some people we can't live without but have to let go. No matter how hard.
See I know all these things. And yet. I lay in bed,crying and again feeling sorry for myself. I couldnt change the fact the fact the Sarah betryaed me. Couldnt change the fact that I was lied to by a man i loved for three years. I wish he loved me. I wish he was mine. I wish I can force him to love me and leave her. I cant. I cant force myself to stop loving him.
They say time heals all wounds. How can they say that when all it does is give me MORE time to rethink this mess.
I am a mess.
I began reading my emails since I was beyond bored-and was trying to get over the images of Sarah,Yousif, and His wife out of my head.
One email particularty stuck out. The name of the sender made my heart stop.
It was from my professor, who was more a close friend than a teacher..
I have not seen you in any of your classes this week. I sincerly hope that you are not ill. Havent seen Yousif around as well..You two are usually attached at the hip. I cant quite put a finger to it. But I have a strong hunch that things between you two are not great. I did recenlty hear that he is getting married.
I hope to see you back in your classes Naylah. You are a bright, smart girl. Btw- I've had my heart broken quite a few times. There is nothing I can tell you to make you feel better. But I will try to push you in the right direction.
My door is open anytime to you.Feel free to drop by anytime.
I came across a text, that I hope you read and hopefully,have time to reflect about.
It is the following:
Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on
staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the
meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it,
what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have
finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting
friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell
yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things
that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust,
just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your
parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister,
everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on
with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even
when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed
will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons
that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night
relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least
intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is
why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you
have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the
invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of
certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this
life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not
expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,
your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on
your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,
the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only
poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are
broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions
that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter
is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has
passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could
live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit
is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it
is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply
because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record,
clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change
into who you are.One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If
we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness
and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
This excerpt has helped me move on Naylah, I do hope it has the same effect for you.
Best of luck,
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
I left my safe haven. I left bed, and headed to the shower. After a long bubble bath, and lathering my body with aroma creams and lotions, I came to a decision.
I will get over it. I will move on. No matter how long it takes.
Later that day, I emailed my professor back.
Thank you for your kind email and words. You cannot believe the instant effects it had on me.I will tell you everything when I see you.
I need your help and advice on an urgent matter.
Do you think it would be possible to transfer to the Dubai branch of the university this late in the semester?
I need to get away from Bahrain.
With that, I felt alive. I felt like a new person. I will start a new chapter in my life. I will leave Bahrain, I will leave the pain and heartbreak.
I will move to the United Arab Emirates, I will fight my father till he agrees. I will.
I need a new life.
Love is like a puzzle. When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. ~Author Unknown
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Let me hold you
For the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can’t feel anything
Naylah confronted Sarah. She gave her no warning, no heads up. She marched into her dorm room, the once that was filled with love, warmth and comfort. Today the room was cold and bitter. Sarah denied everything. She said that she was indeed clubbing, with her girls. Yousif saw her there and was trying to dance with her. When Naylah pressed her for more information,Sarah exclaimed that he tried to not only kiss her, but touch her inappropriately. She refused his advances, and left soon afterward.
Naylah did not know what to believe. Sarah seemed so sincere, she was crying, and looked really hurt. How can you not trust me, she sobbed.
For the first time, in a long time, Naylah was able to see right through Sarah. What she saw was a liar. A girl, supposedly, her best friend, who had her back, was lying straight to her face. Something ticked in her head. Her gut feeling confirmed it. Sarah was lying, she couldn't even look Naylah in the eye.
Naive was one of Naylah's traits. She was too kind for her own good.
Before Naylah left the room, after calmly explaining to Sarah that she no longer wanted to see her, nor hear from her. She will not forgive, nor forget. She will continue on living her life, without being there for Sarah anymore. She will not hold her hand, be there for her when things got rough. She was over it. Over with being so fucking stupid, over being lied at by someone she thought the world of.
"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness", Naylah said in a soft voice, before exiting Sarah's room.
Sarah broke down in tears, hugging her knees to her chest, swaying back and forth, unable to contain the salty tears that were cascading her swollen face. She deserved it. She lied. She loved and she lost. She lost the most important person. She realized that you only realize a true person's worth when they leave...
Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it’s not enough
To make it all okay
Naylah was surprised that she was so calm. She was oddly relaxed. She needed to get that out of her system. She felt lighter. Sarah's evident betrayal was heartbreaking, devastating, BUT..that does not mean she was going to dwell on it. Life is too short, too precious to be friends with people who lie. She could forgive anything, anyone, but being lied to, from your closest friend, is where she drew the red lie.
The next item on the agenda was to talk to Yousif. She needed to talk to him and see what was this "urgent" thing he needed to discuss with her. A strong hunch told her that it was going to be the incident in Club 7.
She could breathe. Life was good..It would only get better from here.
Oh the truth hurts
A lie is worse
I can’t like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Naylah:Where do you want to meet?
Yousif: How about Hong Kong?
Naylah:No, somewhere else?
Yousif: Tabeen Zoé's ?
Yousif: 7abeebtay esfeech, laykoon its that time of the month. Hehehehe..Shrayach ib carla's ily fe cypress garden?
Naylah: Sure. Half an hour?
Yousif: Am less than 5 mins away.
Naylah: Well. I'm not. See you in half an hour.
45 minutes later:
Naylah walked in Carla's, feeling like a million bucks. She was wearing her new favorite,high waisted, black bubble skirt, with a plain white top, and a colorful pashmina. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, showing off her newly cut bangs.
Yousif was sitting in a table, drinking a hot cup of coffee. When he saw her approaching, he quickly got up, and gave her an akward hug.
Hmm, he thought, this is the first time she doenst hold me tightly. She couldn't possibly know?
Naylah sat down, not next to him, but in the seat that was the furthest from him. She didnt need to be next to him, she could feel his eyes burning into hers. She felt like she was melting again.
Yousif: I need to talk to you about something. I dont know how to start.
Naylah: Well. You gotta start somewhere.
Yousif: (taken back for her lack of emotion, taken back by the cold,icy daggers that her pretty green eyes were shooting at him. Those eyes, were always smiling,and twinkling. What happened, he thought. Guilt was weighing him down. It was time. He needed to say this. Naylah was a good girl. He couldnt. He wouldnt.)
Naylah: Yebtnay min il manama for hmmm oo ummm ya yousif?
Yousif: Naylah, ana a7bech. Bas i cant be with you.
Naylah: (confused) what? what are you talking about?
Yousif: I wanted to tell you this so many times. I am so so sorry Naylah.
Naylah: Sorry for what? tell me yousif.. tell me now
Yousif: I'm getting married. Melchna that weekend ily safarat feeha.
Naylah was utterly and totally shocked.She was lost. She died. She died inside. Not only was her heart broken. She felt broken.
But we’re running through the fire
When there’s nothing left to say
It’s like chasing the very last train
When we both know it’s too late
(Broken Strings, James Morriosn feat. Nelly Furtado)
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Naylah was so shocked that tears kept falling down her face. She sat in the car for over an hour..
Crying like there was no tomorrow.
Crying for being left in the dark.
Crying for the fact that her bestest friend in the world is keeping secrets from her.
Crying for the fact that it was her best friend's ex boyfriend who told her.
Crying for the fact that she was played.
@ 01:00 am
Naylah went home after staying in the parking lot of Caramel for over an hour . Home as in not the dorms, but her actual house in Saar. She needed to be away from it all. She needed to think clearly about how she was going to confront Sarah.
She needed to be in her bed. Her cozy bed and her loving family. Nothing made her happier than being at home.
She glanced at her mobile phone.
10 missed calls. 7 from Sarah, and 3 from Yousif.
3 messages. All from Sarah.
Message 1: Wainaaaaaaaach??? awal mara met25ara 3an curfew! please come i need you. So lonely and upset..
Message 2: Ok..this is not funny! now im getting worried ! where the hell are u bitch!!
Message 3: Call me when you see this!! 911..
Naylah switched off her phone. She wasnt in the mood for reading these messages. She went to bed, still in her date clothes, and fell asleep with tears in her eyes.
Just when my life was becoming perfect, this happens, was the last thought before she fell into deep sleep.
Sarah was getting worried about Naylah. This was so unlike her. Her phone was always with her, and she never skipped curfew. Never.
She decided that she would call Yousif and ask him about Naylah's whereabouts.
Sarah: Aloo..gowa yousif
Yousif: na3am sarah shoo tabeen
Sarah:Afaaaaaaaa shno hal kalam..
Yousif: Ana cham mara getlach ya Sarah, dont call me. I'm serious, i've had it. You know I'm with your best friend now. Dont you feel bad for what your doing??
Sarah: What she wont know wont hurt her Yousif. You know how I feel towards you.. What we had.I never forgot it..
Yousif: Wala inach wa7da ma testa7yeen 3ala wayhech oo ana bacher bakalem Naylah oo bagoolha kil shay. I was drunk. get over it..
Sarah: (Laughing)Like she'll ever believe you. Your words against mine.
With that she shut the phone, forgetting why she called in the first place. She felt a pang of guilt for doing that to her best friend. But she couldn't resist him. The night they spent together was unforgettable. Naylah would surely understand. She always does, she reassured herself.
He's a keeper, she thought. She was going to do everything in her willpower to get him.
She quickly sent him a message..
Yousif I'm sorry for the things I said- I just don't want to hurt Naylah in this. She never has to know. And i wont say a thing. So do the right thing. Telling her will only make things worse. I know it. Let's go for a drink tomorrow. We'll talk..What do you say?
She waited and waited for a response. To her utter disappointment. She didn't get a response.
However, she didn't care. When she wanted something she got it. She never settled for less.
If at first you don't succeed, she told herself, then try try again.
Naylah woke up, feeling better. She needed to be strong now, she wasn't about to play the victim now. It was time for her to confront Sarah, then Yousif of course. She was going to be her strong, confident self. She promised herself that she wasn't going to break down again.
Nothing was worth it, she thought to herself. She switched on her cell phone. Surprised to see how many messages she got.
Her phone was beeping.
10 missed call notifications from Sarah.
5 missed call notifications from Yousif.
3 missed call notifications from the dorms.
2 missed call notifications from Salem.
1 messages from Salem:
naylah, sugar, please dont be upset. Tried calling you a few times, your phone was shut. I hope you're feeling better. Sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news. Umwa7. Call me when you can. Salem.
She smiled. Salem can be so sweet.
The last message was from Yousif.
7obi, laish ma kalamteenay? wala ga3ed a7ateech. I barely slept last night, waiting for you. Everything okay? I need to talk to you. Its quite urgent. Can I see you sometime today? bayeech wherever you are. I'm ditching uni today, going to sleep now..Atrayech 7abeebtay :****
She deleted the text, got out of bed, and drew the curtains. She opened the windows, and blinds. She breathed in the fresh air, and closed her eyes. She felt like she was breathing again. Yesterday was the worst day of her life. She was determined to get answers today.
Something has to be done.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” (Reinhold Niebuhr, year unknown)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Meanwhile, Sarah was heaving a hard time getting over her break up with Salem. She was happy it ended. But she was devastated at the same time too. She tried to occupy herself with studies and writing the papers she kept postponing, but she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed and actually be productive. She was pathetic. Lying in bed, listening to sad songs.
Why is it when we feel sad, we want to feel sadder by listening to really sad emotional songs that make us feel even worse?
Sarah was upset. She knew she hurt Salem, but his harsh email brought all the pain back..
I really don't know why I am sending you this email. You really hurt me, and I think I'm beginning to move on. I'm trying to forget you, its so hard Sarah. I need to see you to give you all the gifts you given me, your pictures, everything. I don't need to see anything that reminds me of you. It hurts.
It hurts a little less each day though..I am doing fine, i dont need you. I never needed you. You are nothing to me now. After this email, you no longer will be in my mind.
You are a heartless person. I really hope that one day someone you love does the same too you.
Only then will you know what heartbreak is, because it feels like the air is being sucked out of my life. I cant breath, i cant eat nor sleep. you consume all my thoughts. i cry everyday. I'm an utter mess.
Yeah , I lied. Guess I'm not really fine.
i hate you Sarah.
After the movie ended, the rest of the night was a blur. Sarah called her in tears, and after that Naylah couldn't focus on her date. She wanted to go back home. Sarah was in bad shape and she needed to be with her. She wasn't being the greatest friend in the world.
As she making her way to the car, she got a text message.
One message received.
Salem: Naylah, I need to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere to talk? I'm in caramel cafe in Cyprus Garden, will be there for the next couple of hours. If you can pass by, I will be eternally grateful. Salem.
Naylah: Sure, will be there in less than ten minutes. Cant stay long though. Xx
Naylah decided that she wasn't going to tell Sarah about this. It would only upset her. But how could Naylah take sides in this ugly break up? She was the mutual friend.She got in her car, raised the volume, and began singing along to the fun, upbeat song on the radio. She wanted to loosen up a bit, and relax. She was tense, and didn't like it.
Music always did the trick. It always seemed to make her feel better. Singing along definitely helps too.
Cyprus Garden, Caramel, 09:00 pm
Caramel was a nice, very quiet cafe. Everyone loved it because of its cozy atmosphere. Salem was sitting in the far end. He looked different. His eyes lost their usual sparkle, and he had dark circles under his eyes. It was evident that he was not getting enough sleep. He also lost a bit of weight.
How come when guys are getting through a break-up, they look better, while girls pile on the weight eating cookies and chips?
Naylah kissed Salem's cheeks whilst greeting him, and plopped on the chair next to him.
Naylah: Ha Salem...3ash min chafak walah!!
Salem: Halla feech...Thanks inach yeetay..I really appreciate it..
Naylah: (Laughing) Affa 3aliak..you're still my friend..You and Sarah break up doesn't mean we stop being friends !!
Salem: Listen, I need to ask you something. And i want you to answer me truthfully..
Naylah: Sure, go ahead.
Salem: (With a serious look) Is Sarah dating that emariti guy?
Naylah: ay wa7ed feehum? fee two la?
Salem: Yousif, thak il m3a'6el..
Naylah was taken back..and laughed out laughed..and exclaimed that She was seeing yousif and not Sarah. Salem did not look convinced.
Salem: I have my sources Naylah. They saw them together this weekend in Club 7..I have pictures too.
Naylah's heart dropped and she thought this cannot be happening. Funny how it took years to build up trust, and just seconds to destroy it.
"It is by chance we met . . .
By choice we became friends."
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
2 weeks of innocent flirting, meeting in Starbucks, walking around in university, sitting together in the back in classes, sending texts whenever they weren't together, Naylah was content.
Yousif was super sweet. He turned out to be funny, open-minded, friendly, and very smart. Smarter than he looks. He was romantic too. A bit on the corny side, but she didn't mind.
He sent her a poem, which surprised her. She didn't know that he writes poetry!!
"Heaven is hazel,maybe a light green.
Once your in, your thoughts cease..
and become amazed by its color.
Once you've seen it.
Your life becomes obsessed by it
every single color you see
compares nothing to that heavenly beauty
earthly colors don't make sense anymore
whats that color that's so pure?
a color that redefines life
its exists only there
u become blind after that
i am blind
Wheres the green that's in your eyes
where is my heaven?""
Naylah was shocked.. Happy shocked, not angry shocked or anything. She loved the poem..It made her heart beat a little faster..She quickly sent him a text back (he sent it via sms)..
Moments later..She got worried..He didn't reply..His turn to get shocked..She couldn't believe what she just sent..
One message received..
Yousif: Abi achoofech...Shrayech ni6la3 bara3 il jama3a maliat walla..Ha shetgoleen?
Naylah was disappointed. He didn't reply to what she has sent.
Naylah: Ee ok..wain? ( she tried to be a bit cold, so that he'd realize she was upset)
Yousif: Tabeen Saar Cinema at 6:15? Madagascar is playing? heard its really funny..
Naylah: K.gr8. See u then..
Yousif: Tabeenay americh?
Naylah: no thanks..i have a car..
Yousif: 7obi feech shay?
Naylah: la bas shwaya mash'3oola..see you then..
Naylah just finished showering. She made sure to shave her arms and legs well, just in case Yousif held her hand in the movies. She didn't want to have any stubble or anything. She lathered herself in her favorite body wash, wanting to smell and feel her absolute best for her very important first official date with her hubby.
As for her hair, she decided not to do it straight. All this time spent with him, he had seen her hair straight as a ruler. It was time to be more daring.
She got our her curling iron, and quickly curled her hair in big loose waves.
Time to get dressed. She had been thinking of this all day. And decided to wear a new dress she had bought from H&M last week. It was a short, black dress with a strapless sequin tight bodice and a flared bottom. She wore a light black cardigan on top it, since it was strapless of course:)
One message received
Yousif: emarat fm beser3a
Naylah quickly ran to her bedside table and switched on the radio just as DJ Hassan was saying:
Hay el '3naya ehdaaa min galb Yousif 7ag galb 7abeebta blueberry..Smoo3ha ya jam3a!! Jideeda 3ala EMRAAAAAAT FM..
لي صاحب من أول إذا قمت أناديه
الشوق من بين المحاني يشبّه
تقول لي لبيه لبيه لبيه
وأنا أتفدّّى به مع كل لذة
واليوم شكله ضايق ماعرف ايش فيه
من الوصل ريح المفارق تهبه
لو كان ضاق بسبها أجيه وأرضيه
المشكلة ضايق ومن دون سبّة
Naylah felt like she was melting.. How can someone be so perfect?
Naylah: aya 3aliak...oo 3ala il e'3naya...a7la ehda2;)
Naylah was running around her door room, looking for her favorite purple heels. She needed something to spice up the outfit. Once she found them, she quickly ran out, into her car and speed her way to Saar Cinema.
Naylah just reached. She breathed a sing of relief, when she saw that the parking was almost empty. She didn't want to run into anyone, nor see anyone. This was Bahrain people. People talk for a living. She has a reputation to uphold.
She parked next to his golden Porsche Cayenne. She couldn't tell if he was in the car, since it was heavily tinted.
One message received:
Ta3alay il sayarah..Aba agoolech shay...
Naylah's heart was pounding. She was sure that he was upset at the message she sent, the one he didn't reply to.
Taking a deep breath, she got out of her car, and into his.
Yousif was wearing a black Ralph Lauren polo, with dark blue jeans. His hair was wet,and a bit messy. He had a serious look in his face.
Yousif: Abee agoolech shay
Naylah: 7abeebay gool ily fee balek
With that, Yousif came a bit too close. He put an arm around her waist and whispered in her ear, "abe b3ad abee aboosich". Naylah smiled and whispered back, "shna6er".
They both laughed, and went a bit closer. Naylah threw her hands around his neck, as he began to kiss her lips passionately..
She was on air.
Naylah couldn't believe what she was doing. She couldn't resist him. He was so perfect, so hot, she couldn't not kiss him. She was a bit out of breath so she stopped and turned away. As for yousif, well.. He didnt stop.
He began to kiss her neck, softly and gently. Naylah couldn't help herself..She was about to die..aaaaaahh.....She found herself in his lap..She moved from the passenger side somehow and ended up in his lap.
Yousif looked at her with such intensity it scared her..He said nothing, and began to kiss her again..Over and over..
"My words are the kisses I wish I’d said, but they say kisses don’t last, and words are never dead.” (Author unknown, 09)
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Naylah: Hey...How did you know? (points to the drink and muffin)
Yousif: (with a big smile )I watch you.hahahaha..all the time...i memorzied what you like..
Naylah didnt know wether to worry about his "stalking nature", but laughed it off, thinking silently, that she stalked him more than he did, thats for sure.
Yousif: ahahah laykoon 5ara3tech..ana mo maynoon tara...bas achoofech wayed teshrebeen orange juice oo ta5theen blueburry muffin...yal blueberry intay;)
Naylah: hahahah hay il nikname il yideed walah shino?
Yousif: afa 3aliach walah afdach ib 3omray yal shai5a..
Naylah: (blushing and trying to change the subject): inzain...sha5barek b3ad?
Yousif: wayed 6al3a '3air ilyoum...feech shay met'3ayer??
Naylah: I think its the tan...its too dark!
Yousif: (gazing deeply into her eyes) I think its perfect. You're perfect.
Naylah and Yousif spent the next two hours in Starbucks. He told her all about what he thought of her when he first meet her. He thought she was a bit stuck up before he actually got to know her. He loved the fact that she was studious and was very committed to her studied. He noticed that she sat in the same seat in all her classes. Front row, far left, next to the window. He wondered why she never changed her seat and joined the naughy kids in the back. She told him that she feels more comforable in the front and its been that way ever since she was in 1st grade. He also told the reasoning behind the whole email thing. He explained that he had no idea how to approach her, since she intmiadated him. He has been thinking about it for a long time, he confessed.
Yousef told her all about his family, his close relationship with his mom. She found it espically cute when he said that his mother's voice was the first thing and last thing he heard before he slept. It was hard for him, being away from his family. His dad,was a very sucessful man, who was the CFO for one of the leading banks in the UAE. His work took up all his time and to family wasnt his number one priorty. He had two sisters (twins), that were doing their PHD's in the United States. His mom spent most of her days alone, and he hated that.
Yousif and Naylah easily relaxed around each other. There wasnt any of the akward silences. They both made fun of each other, joked around, talked about university, their favorite and least favorite professers, they even gossiped a tiny tiny bit..Yousif was appalled at what some of the Bahraini girls wore/and acted in university. Naylah tried to explain the dynamics of Bahraini society, trying to make him understand the mentality of these girls more.
Yousif was attentive, asked questions, and seemed guinely intrested in everything she was saying.
It was time to leave. Curfew was at 12, and Naylah never missed curfew. She told him that she had to go. Looking around Starbucks, they realized it was empty, and all the staff left already. They cracked up,marvelling at the fact that they didnt even pay attention when they closed up.
Now This is what love feels like. Naylah knew that she shouldnt feel that. Its too soon. But the way he made her feel..The butterflies..the rollercoaster that was happening in her insides..made her feel like she was on top of the world. She never felt connected like this to anyone before, not even with Abdullah.
He was different, she felt it in her bones.
At times, the word LOVE can be so over rated, it seems to be such a timeless feeling to write about.Its an oxymoron..Quite complicated and yet.. it can be so simple and it's one thing that will last until the end of the world.
Sarah and Salem were having one of the worst dates ever. They have been having serious problems for the past couple of weeks. Sarah gave up on trying to fix their problems, she knew she was mostly at fault. But she couldnt deny it anymore. Her feelings for Salem were gone.
Salem: (Yelling) Im trying to fucking fix this! Would you give me a chance! Geez Sarah sometimes you can be so unbearable!!!
Sarah: Stop yelling at me.
Salem: No.you dont get it do you? You dont know how it to be in love with someone who doesnt even care about you.
Sarah: You know how much I care for you Salem..but I'm just not happy. I dont know how to describe it.
Salem: After these three years, I finally realized something. I realized that you know nothing about me. I killed myself all these years, doing everything I can possibly can for you. Making you happy has always been my first priority. Nothing ever came close. You know why you know nothing about me? Its wasnt that I didnt tell you. You just never listened.
Sarah: salem, sometimes you grow with someone. Other times, you just simply grow apart. Why is that so hard to understand?
Salem: The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to.
He turned away from her and started walking away from her.
Sarah: (Tears in her eye) Salem! Dont walk away..Please dont..not now at least.I need you.
Salem: Why not?
Sarah's tears continued to fall. If this is what she wanted. Why did she feel so upset?
Salem: You were never there when I needed you. You taught me how to walk away.
With that. Sarah was alone. Alone and utterly alone.
"Love doesn't walk away, people do."" (Megan, 2009)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Naylah and Sarah wasted no time in the weekend. They were determined to make it a great weekend, since they were both feeling a little down. On Thursday, they went to a watch a new movie at Saar Cinema, which, for the first time, strangely overcrowded.
They was a bunch of cute, older-looking guys. Really cute guys. Who kept staring at both of the girls, who were too busy to notice. Little did they know that these men will have a large impact on their lives later.
They spent the entire Friday tanning in the Ritz-Carlton Hotel and Spa. They exercised for a bit in the mixed gym, ran on the sand near the beach for a bit (all the stars do it:) and finally relaxed on the tanning beds.
They both turned a little too dark..but their tan lines were great...Their cheeks were red and flushed and the tiniest bit burnt.
That's the Bahraini sun for you..makes you black and not golden :)
Naylah hated Saturday's. They reminded her of starting another long, tiring week at university. But this time, she was excited. She knew that Yousif would be back from his short trip, since he cant afford to miss any more classes. She couldn't wait to "stalk" him or at least catch him online.
This is why she was on MSN from the moment she opened up her eyes. At 08:00 am.
But, of course, she was appear offline. She didn't want to seem "too available" if yousif did come online.
She would check her msn quite regularly. To her disappointment, he wasn't on.
She checked her university email, wanting to reread the email that started this all.
To her suprise, she found an email from him!!!
She could barely contain her excitment as her eyes flew from word to word..
Sorry I havent been on MSN for quite a while. I came back from UAE and I dont have internet at home. Do you think maybe you can text me? Its going to be hard for me to come online these days.
This is my number. I really really want to talk to you. 3942xxxx
Naylah decided that she was going to send a text. right then and there. She couldnt wait any more. She felt suffocated when she thought he was MIA. She didnt want to go through that again. It was time for their "so-called relationship" to take another level.
The timing was right, she reassured herself, as she wrote the text message.
Naylah @ 8:15 pm : 7imdella 3ala il salama..Tawha nawart il bahrain;)
Yousif @ 8:16 pm: la la...ma 9adeg...a5eeran...ahh..kent fee 3athab min ams ga3ed a6ale3 telephonay chinay maynoon...emnawara ibwjoodech yal shai5a..
Naylah @ 8:30 (had to make him wait a bit): walah tawni chayfa il email min shwaya..agool shlon il emarat? inshallah kil shay ok?
Yousif @ 9:00 (now he was making her wait lol) Sorry wallah im playing soccer..Ee il walda shwaya maree'6a..sawaina laha tests fel mostishfa..bas ma 6ela3 feeha shay il7imdella
Naylah @ 9:02 : 7imdella 3ala salamtha..(she didnt know what else to say)
Yousif @ 9:05 : Allah esalmech..inzain intee wain?
Naylah @ 9:08 : Fel bait..malana:/
Yousif @ 9:08 : Shayech amer 3aliach oo ne6la3?
Naylah @ 9:15: (had to make him wait LOL) 5an roo7 starbucks ily fel jam3a..its late oo mabi at25er..i have work to do.. (She didnt..but wanted to make him know that he cant ask her out last minute expecting she would be free)
Yousif @ 9:16: ily eraye7 yal shai5a..inzain ayay amer 3aliach? tara a5af 3aliach tamsheen ebroo7ech min il saken lay il jam3a;)
Naylah @ 9:20: thanks for the offer.bas ill walk..il jaw wayed 7lo;) see you in half an hour?
Yousif @ 9:21: Cant wait..text when you reach..;)
Naylah had to jump up and down for a bit! She couldnt believe it! It was finally happening. A scene she played in her head so many times that she thinks she mentally forced it to happen!! She quickly jumped in the shower and decided to take a quick body shower. Her hair was fine, she did it this morning. It was nice and straight. She would just have to go over it with GHD to make it look shinier and straighter.
After her quick shower, came the most important question. For the first time ever, Naylah knew exactly what to wear. She was going to wear her new Banana Republic skirt. It was white, high waisted and very flattering to her already skinny frame. It gave her the ass she never had.
With it , she wore a bright red V-neck top, a casual top, since the skirt was already kind of over the top.
She made sure that the top exposed her tanning lines, the ones she worked so hard on!
As for make-up, Naylah always followed the principle of less is more. She applied Bobby Brown's tinted moisturizer, and Victoria Secret bronzer, which made her look even more tanned. As for her pretty hazel eyes, She lined them with dark eyeliner, and a heavy coat of mascara. She wished she had time to put her false eyelashes, but she wasnt bothered, it took her time to wear them, and time was of the essense now.
After her make-up was done, and she wore her clothes. She took a final look in the mirror. She was more than satisfied with what she was wearing. She knew she looked good.
After spraying her favorite perfume, hypnotic poison by Chrisitan Dior, she admired herself in the mirror one last time and decided that it was time to head out.
Naylah left the dorms, and sent a quick text to Sarah, who out out on a date with Salem.
Naylah: Layfootach shino 9ar! 911 min galb
Naylah: Going to see Yousef in a bit fee starbx! Can you effin believe it!
Sarah: Whoaaa! Ive been gone 2 hours oo kil thee 9ar! Hello! How When Why How!!! EXPlain!! E.S pls! (ES stood for executive summary)
Naylah: No time love..im already close..miss call me when youre back in the dorms bayeech. brb..oh and dont forget the code..XXX
The code was whenever any of the gang (there's more to the gang-you will meet new characters soon) was out on a first/second date, all the girls would call the girl on the date several times, and send her text messages so the guy would get jealous.
Stupid plan but it works!
Naylah was punctual. She hated being late for anything, but decided this time she will go at least five-ten minutes late. She went in from the back door, hoping she wont see him.
His manly voice startled her and she jumped.
" Hey!! 5ara3teenay"
He looked at her tenderly and said. "Ma 3ash ily e5arech".
With that she felt like she was on air, and was blushing furiously. She excused herself and mumbled that she would be in the ladies room.
In the ladies room, Naylah took a deep breath and said to herself. You can do it, you've talked to him a million times before.
She regained her composure, reapplied to her favorite Dior clear lipgloss and headed out. She was determined to be her confident, bubbly self.
She noticed that Yousif was sitting in the tables that were the further from the door. Good choice, she thought silently. She didnt want to see anyone tonight. She wanted to be focused on him, the love of her life.
TBC.. Wait for the next post!
“We were having one of those great first dates you can only have when it's not an actual date.”
-Carrie Bradashaw, aka. Sarah Jessica Parker..
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I would love to hear all you follower’s opinions on the lessons learnt part. Should I continue with it? Or do you feel that it does not add anything significant to the story?
Lessons Learnt from Failed Relationship Number 1:
1-Never go to bed angry with one another
I used to shut the phone every time I had a fight with Ahmed. The fights usually happened at night, since we usually talk from about 11 pm till like 2 or 3 am...I'd go to school in a zombie like state-but I was delirious and happy that it didn’t even matter.
Id shut my phone for an hour, sometimes two, when i would switch it back on, no less than four or five messages would light up my mobile screen, all from my baby, apologizing even if the fight was not his fault...He never tried to make me upset, but I sometimes just looked for reasons to initiate fights.
Hence, to have a meaningful, stable, long-lasting relationship is to keep the lines of communication open. Do not sleep or shut the phone or argue without resolving whatever issue there is at hand. Be accessible, open to hearing your respective other's opinion and argument in a cool, collected manner. Anger will not resolve anything. Being patient and agreeing to disagree is a much better method.
2-Do not let your respective other take the blame for all your problems. Realizing that you are sometimes half the problem is the solution.
Abdullah and I fought regularly-as evident from the earlier point. I personally believe having a fight every so often, is a sign of a healthy relationship. It would be weird to be in a committed relationship and never fight. Fighting strengthens your relationship and makes it even stronger. Making up after a fight is always nice too. So, going back to the problem. I never admitted when I was wrong, I hardly said sorry. I would always take control of the situation, and somehow prove that it was he that was wrong, and never I.
That cycle got pretty old. 2 years into it. And I think it was one of the driving forces behind our breakup. It was wrong of me to always place the blame on him. I think I didn’t realize it then, but with every fight (Which was my fault not his), he would start to dislike that characteristic in me. I guess over time, that negative characteristic overshadowed all my good ones, as the bad always seems to over shine the good...
Thus, one should own up to his mistakes. If you did a mistake, fess up, take the blame, and apologize. Apologize as if you mean it. Not because you are obliged to, but because you want to. FYI- It’s pretty easy to figure out if your apology is BS or not.
3- Do not allow others to meddle in your relationship. Remember, you and him are in this relationship. 2 people. That’s it! Not your sister, friend, best friend, cousin, or whoever it is you consult with and mingle with.
Every time i had a fight/disagreement with Abdullah, I went around telling my close peeps all about it, not an executive summary, but a very detailed one. Then, I would hear each of their opinions-no matter how harsh they were. Then, I would form my opinion based on what the general consensus of what they all said. I think that was one of my biggest mistakes. Keep something to yourself, your relationship should be private. Discuss your problems with your partner. Do not indulge in a gossip-fest with all your friends and over analyze issues that you two may have.
What happens when you give all these people the power of analyzing/criticizing your relationship? You give them the green light to meddle with your affairs.
I had a very close friend, who was friends with Abdullah to .Every time we fought or something, I would talk to her the next day in school and of course, blab all about it. She would take it all in, and then call him or text him, saying what I don’t know.
Abdullah told me this, after my relationship with this friend kind of came to an end. He told me, warned me actually, be careful of who you trust, I wont go into details, but this particular friend. Stay away from her”.
I never knew what she said, I know for a fact that they were not good things. If I had not given her the chance to meddle in my private life, she wouldn’t have sent him her "thoughts" on our problems.
Needless to say, I am not friends with this "friend" anymore.
4. Almost cheating in a relationship = Actual Cheating
Here are some random thoughts I have about cheating. I was tempted more than once to cheat on Abdullah. I didn’t cheat cheat on him. But I did talk to other guys. As friends I mean, without him knowing. I might have liked one of these friends more than I should have. But I never actually DID anything. Emotional infidelity I like to call it. It is not excusable if you feel terrible about it after it happens, and confessing your guilt is selfish. It will only make the guilty partner relieved and the other an utmost mess. Having a special connection with someone other than your partner when you are in a committed relationship, is a warning sign...This warning sign flashes if you realize that you are talking/seeing/daydreaming about this someone more than you do with your actually partner..
Then, you get into the dangerous zone. This phase is the phase where you start comparing Mr. New Guy to Mr. Old one (your committed partner).This is by far, the hardest part. Do you give up everything you have...for a little thrill of something new? The thrill of the chase as they like to call it...
Is it worth it to throw a relationship you work so hard on for the thrill of running after something exciting, yet fresh?
Indeed, the finest part of being in a relationship is the courtship in the beginning...However...Life. As I believe it, happens in phases. One cannot be in the courtship phase forever. Things progress to the better or worse... Once you make the pained decision to let go of your little fantasy (as most guilty partners do at some point in the relationship) things are never the same. You stop feeling what you used to feel. The chemistry that was once there isn’t there anymore...thoughts of cheating consume you...The guilt eats you alive. No matter how hard you try. It is very very difficult not to compare.
5. Jealousy is normal. Being obsessively jealous is not. Do you know the difference?
I got upset every time Abdullah said, Oh flana messaged me. Or, I had a great time with the girls of our class today; I have to show you the pictures. But I was mature about it. Jealousy is normal. I knew he would never cheat on me, and that it was inevitable that in his everyday path, he will interact with the opposite sex. We were, of course, in private co-educational facilities. Two of the very best schools in Bahrain which had a lot of pretty girls. Pretty little rich girls.
I showed him I was jealous, and I think he liked it. To him it read, Girlfriend jealous= must be doing something right. He was happy, he was happy I was finally showing him something that proved to him that I indeed loved him. I have a tendency to keep a lot of my feelings to myself. It’s not that I’m a private person; it’s just that I never want to upset anyone or give anyone the chance to upset me.
Anyways, Abdullah’s jealousy scared me. He knew a couple of my guy friends; they were my classmates at the end of the day. If he saw them around, he would glare at them or “egi79” in his Lexus. He lectured me constantly about them. He would go on and on saying how much it hurt that I had guy friends and how he felt it was wrong, since I was his and only his. No one had the right to talk to him without him going bananas.
He would yell and scream at me saying that I need to shut them out of my life, stop talking to them and confiding in them. I would yell back and say you can’t tell me who to befriend!! I’m a grown woman. Stop this fucking crap!
Abdullah and I were at a stage where I knew all of his passwords (Hotmail, yahoo, MSN, you name it). I was reluctant about giving him mine, but we both decided it was the right step.
He would log on to my MSN and keep it on the entire day. Through out the day, I would get over twenty calls, saying whose email@example.com, or whose firstname.lastname@example.org. I would have to explain myself in every phone call, in between his yells of course. He blocked, deleted them from my list.
It soon reached the point, where I virtually had no guys in my list. Not even my cousins. He argued that he was doing this because he loved me. I was confused. I knew he had taken it too far, but I just rationalized, oh its okay. He just loves me and doesn’t want to be jealous.
Looking back, I realize I made a lot of mistakes. I mistook his crazy jealousy with love. When you love someone, and are in a committed relationship with them. You learn to trust them. You need to let go of the control, let go of the reins and see where life takes you. His mistake was that he couldn’t trust me. He was waiting to see one improper msn message, or a weird email. He waited and searched obsessively through all my emails, and the various email accounts I had. I silently obeyed him, and pretty soon, I stopped going online. It upset him too much to hear that I was online. I sometimes lied, but most of the time, I did not log in.
Trust is the most important element in your relationship. Without it, or the lack thereof, will make you go crazy and psycho-analyze every thing in your relationship. Trust makes you sane. Trust me. There were days where I felt suffocated. His jealousy was making me sick. It reached to the point where I wanted to make him more jealous so that he would get upset. Is that crazy? Purposely angering the person you love? I think it is. I was too young to realize that he was borderline wrong. Letting him control me like that was wrong.
Thus, it is normal to be jealous. It is ok to show your partner that you are jealous. It is not normal for your partner to make you feel like a prisoner in your own life. We are grown ups. We make mistakes. For the most part, we are smart enough not to. Or, we are smart enough to hide them. Psychotic jealousy is ugly and will suck the love from your relationship. Be smart to know the limits on jealousy, if you feel that its borderline creepy, talk to him. If he doesn’t stop, then you need to think if you can cope with this rollercoaster ride. I sure as hell couldn’t.
LESSONS LEARNT FROM OBSERVING OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIPS:
6- Physically abusing the one you love is wrong. It is wrong. Abuse is Abuse. It is inexcusable.
I had a friend, let’s call her Lulwa. She was in a three year relationship with a man she thought she loved. They were young, popular, and hot tempered. Most couples would bring out the best in each other. This particular couple seemed to bring out the worst in each other. Separately, they were great people. I was in fact, good friends with both. Unfortunately, when they were together, I started to not like them so much.
They would curse at each other, slap each other, shove each other, and a lot of other things I don’t feel too comfortable sharing here. They did this in front of everyone. It wasn’t a secret. Every one seemed ok with it, everyone but me. I talked to them several times, but it was like talking to a brick wall. I would ask the guy, Sami, why do you hit her. He would simply reply saying that she doesn’t learn unless he hits her, because then it sticks. I was disgusted by his answer and shortly after I stopped talking to him. I asked her then, why do you let him hit you, and why do you do hit him? Abuse goes both ways. Just like he was abusing her. She was abusing him. In society today, it’s mostly the men who abuse. Very rarely, do you hear, in our society, Flana Al Flania 6agat raylha 6ag. Sorry. Doesn’t happen here!
Anyways, Lulwa replied laughing, saying that I am a drama queen, it’s just a few slaps here and there, it doesn’t qualify as abuse. Again, I was disgusted with this reply. What the fuck is that? A slap is a slap. Abuse is when you hurt and hit the person you love. Would you emotionally hurt the person you love? Maybe you do, unconsciously. Would you purposely want to physically hurt the person you love? I would like to think not.
I wonder how they reached this awful point in their relationship is. The answer is still unclear to me, I don’t know if I will ever find an answer. I think that it doesn’t happen out of the blue, especially when it occurs between two partners that seem perfect.
Lulwa argued that he loved her. He just loved her too much was her excuse. Frequent phone calls to check her whereabouts, jealousy, and obsessing over her well-being and “protection”, were all signs of how he passionately loved her and cared for her. I thought otherwise.
I believed that once the infatuation phase ends in a relationship (I would say by month 5-6), this behavior is definitely not a sign of love- but of an obsessive personality that you should stay away from. A person who objectifies you does not equal them loving you.
Thus, the solution to end is abuse it to confront the issue of abuse. It will rarely just leap up and fly away. Problems do not have a way of fixing themselves it. The abuse will escalate. You must confront it if you want to stop.
I’m happy to conclude that when Lulwa’s parents finally intervened, and she came to her senses, their relationship was over. Years later, they both moved on, got married, are in healthy, nurturing relationships (or so I hear). They moved on, and met their significant other. In their respective relationships, they learnt the hard way, that abuse destroyed their love. Love gave them another chance.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
**This post is going to be in 1st person viewpoint, Sarah's of course;)**
I think that I'm in love with two very different men. How can it be one may ask? But I really believed that I loved two. I knew that, sooner or later, I would need to decide, but in this point in my life, I just wanted to live my life. I did not want to worry myself about all the question marks that I was facing in my conflicted love life. Let me start by describing Salem.
Salem is a tall, round, and chunky "man". I put quotation marks because I feel he looks like a baby. He kinda looks like Humpty Dumpty.. He is very white, with red cheeks.He was a bit insecure, about his physical appearance,he hated it when I called him "cute". It would offended him, upset him even.. He was 22 years old, Bahraini, and studied with me both in high school and in university.
He was popular, always the class clown, he made everyone laugh..Everyone would feel at ease around him. He had a way of always making you feel welcome, even when you felt you didn't fit in or belong. He was smart, never got less than an A- in his entire academic career.
We started off becoming friends at 9th grade. It was a day before graduation that he "confessed" his true feelings toward me..
We were hanging out in Seef Mall, all of the seniors (all 100 of them) decided to go spend the day in Seef Mall. Salem kept telling me he wanted to tell me something important, and that he would prefer if we had lunch together. Sure thing i said stupidly, not knowing what was in store for me..
We headed to the Italian restaurant, Pizzeria, and sat down in one of the tables in the back.
Salem exhaled loudly, and looked me straight in the eye. "Listen, I want to tell you something, Its been eating me alive for the longest time, and I need to say it in one go. So I'm politely asking you to refrain from commenting, till I finish what I have to say."
Sweat droplets were falling from his forehead, into his rosy red cheeks. He was blushing..It was now or never, he thoughts, and mustered up his courage.
Salem: "Every since the first day I meet you in 9th grade, the first time I met you. I was mesmerized by your beauty. I could not stop staring at you. Your beautiful green eyes made my heart skip a beat. Or beats to be more accurate. I befriended you because I thought you were the most beautiful creature ever. I just wanted to be near you. Then i got to know you more, and I loved your personality even more. You were kind, you were kind to the nice, fat kid , that no one really liked. You made everyone see me, when I thought I was invisible. Me becoming the man I am today, is all because of you. You saw me in the way that no one did. You became my friend, my best friend. My heart broke every time you would mention a crush you had, which was like every two weeks, but I got used to them, because I know you would never act upon these crushes. My main point is this..I love you. I have always loved and will always love you.
(He took my hand and squeezed it. I tried to wiggle my hand out of it, but his hands were firm..)
I want you to be mine. I don't want you for anyone else but me.I love you, all of you. And i want you to be my girlfriend. When the time is right, I will propose to you. We are too young for it now, but the moment we graduate, you will find me at your doorstep. This I promise you, my love."
I was shocked..He never showed me anything, He never mentioned it for the past 4 years.Whats he doing? What should I say? oh my god. I cant hurt him. He doesn't deserve it. But I think I did.
"Let go of my hand please."
Salem gave me a pained look, already looking upset. This is not the way I played it in my head. The truth hurts, he thought. I will handle it. She will love me, I am sure of it.
"Salem. You're like my brother. I love you too. But I am not in love with you. Please do not bring this up ever again."
With that, I got up, all mad. I was mad at him. How can he tell me something like this? Maybe this is the right time to say that the L word scared me. Scared the living hell out of me. I felt like I was suffocating. I had to leave. I couldn't look at him, couldn't think of him. Not now, at least.
The Next day:
Graduation Day, in the After-Graduation Party at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel, Al Ghazal Ballroom
I barely slept last night. I was struck by a surprising revelation.. I was happy. I was happy due to what Salem said. I guess I was just shocked in the beginning, but once it sank in. I could hardly contain my excitement.
I think this is it. The moment where I realized that I may actually have feelings for him too.
I just arrived in the Ballroom.It was packed, with the majority of the students from all the posh private schools, Bahrain Bayan School, Bahrain School, and Ibn Khuldoon National School.I looked around the room for Salem, I searched frantically for him. I had to tell him. Right then and there. But he was no where to be found.
I sat in one of the empty tables in the back, disappointed..and sent him a text message.
"Cant find you anywhere. I need to talk to you. I'm sorry I ran out on you yesterday Please tell me your here =(
Less than a second later..
I felt strong arms embracing me from behind, and he gave me a big hug. My heart started beating heavily. I gathered up my courage for what I wanted to say.
Salem: "Congratulations...I didn't want to make a scene earlier at graduation. Seeing you here, I just cant help it. I.."
I put my finger on his mouth and quietly said.
""Shh..don't continue. Its your time to shut up now. I love you more"
The sparks between us were undeniable, I felt like I was on top of the world. It made perfect sense to her now. They were meant for each other.
Salem gazed at me intensely, and got a bit too close. I tried to pull back, but something inside me, made me go for it. We were really close now. I could feel his breathing, and the sound of his beats. He lifted my chin up, and our lips interlocked. I threw my arms around him..and we kissed..My first kiss, with my first love. My first and last I thought.
And that was it. The beginning of our fairytale love story.
Fast-Forward to three years later:
Salem and I were still going on strong. He was everything a girl would want. He was kind, affectionate, and I was always his number one priority. He would drop everything in a second for me. He called a hundred times during the day. He did my homework. He was the perfect boyfriend. He never stop caring or being romantic. He had no eyes for anyone but me.
He was my everything..
And I was everything to him..
There it is, it pains me to say it, or to even think it. I feel so guilty.
There are no sparks anymore. I love Salem. But am in love with him? No I'm not.. I loved him because he loved me. The thought of someone being blindly in love with me was exhilarating,a window to my soul.
I'm confused. I don't know what I feel towards him anymore.
All I know now is that I constantly think of Rashid. The Emariti Bedouin from Al Ain, that was the complete opposite of Salem. He was tall, and strikingly handsome. He knew it. He was cocky and arrogant. He thought the world of himself. And I loved it..
Ahhh...I loved it..I daydream about him constantly.I dream of becoming his wife. Lying in bed with him and doing stuff. Ok, sorry, there you have it, i have an X rated mind.
Rashed and I didn't agree on much, in fact we rarely agreed on everything. We fought all the time, like kids, and we challenged each other everyday, but despite our million and one differences. We had one important thing in common: we were crazy about each other.
We just didn't know it yet...
"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." (Jane Rubietta)
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Naylah waited and waited for Yousif..She surfed the net, went on net-a-porter to look for new, hot dresses or skirts that she could possibly wear if Yousif ever asked her out (getting a little ahead of ourselves arent we)..and then, the reasonable side of her brain scolded her...why are u waiting for him..its been almost two hours..You shouldnt wait..go do sumthing..live your life..stop waiting for him..
Naylah decided she was going to going to tell Sarah to come over, she needed to analyze this situation..Sarah boldly explained and carefully analyzed the situation..This is what she had to say:
Naylah cracked up and exhaled loudly: Yes, we do have that fact covered..But why isnt he here? Yesterday he was bending over backwards to please me, and now he ditched the sacred online date?! Its weird! Where could he be? He says he's an internet freak and that hes always online..?
Sarah: "He's a freak all right! No really, i think its either
C-he went out and lost track of time
Im sure its nothing serious..Just wait..youll see him tomorrow in uni anyways..we are gna do what we do best..(With a mischevious look in her eyes) STALK HIM!!
He has american government in Lecture Hall A..We'll conviently be there at like 2:50..ten minutes before his class starts..He wont be there before..3ad ma nerd uhwa!!!"
Naylah felt a little better..Nothing happened for him to ignore..She did everything rite..She was nice, friendly, not too friendly though, didnt want him to get the wrong idea or something..He probably just got busy, and will send me an apologetic email or offline message..Akeed.. She thought silently..
Sarah and Naylah decided to go for a little cruise.. They've been strangely MIA from the regular bahraini action these past couple of days..They decided to go to their favorite cafe..Friends cafe...They liked it because it was nice, cozy, and no one went there..It was their haven, a place where the could be themselves, talk and act silly, with no weirdos looking at them and judging their loud voices, burps, and silly acts..
This was Bahrain yáll..The land of constant judgment.People liked to gossip..actually they lived to gossip..Hearing the latest stories, who got dumped, who got divorced, who had an embarrasing incident happening to him/her, whom was dating whom, the latest guersome murder sotries,,were always the things were discussed the most in this tiny Khaleeji society...
Can you blame them?
Everyone loves a little gossip.. Hearing bad stories always makes one feel a bit better about themselves..At least this is not happening to them, they always reassure themselves...
As you can probably tell with the timings, Sarah and Naylah did not take time to get ready..They went out in their pj's...But they knew that people would talk, so they wore their Abbaays over their embarrasing white cotton jalabiya..They headed to Friends in Naylah's white Range Rover..with the windows down and blasted the radio which was conviently playing one of their favorite songs:
From the moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you..
While combing my hair now
And wond'ring what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you...
Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart, and I'll love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part, oh I love you
Together, forever, that's how it should be
Living without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me...
Naylah and Sarah swayed from side to side..Unfortuantly, their song was interrupted with the ringing of Sarah's phone...
Naylah looked at Sarah, and gave her a questioning look, which read WHO, Sarah mouthed..Rashed...Naylah was excited..Rashed was one of Yousif's friends in university..They werent great friends, but they were both Emariti..And the majority of the students at her uni were Bahraini,and they were the only 2 Emaritis there..
Rashed: Esh7alech obiyoa?
Sarah: Wala ma shay ya obiyaaaaaaa (**obviously making fun of the Emariti dialect)
Rashed: ahhahaaah wala may6eeee7 3aliach trmseeen nafsna!! inteee Bahrainiyaaa 7acheekum '3areeb '3ajeeb!!
Sarah: (laughing Loudly)Yala Yala!! Rid ebladek la!!
Rashed: Wala chan zain ared...il shabab ridaw wala oo ana ihnee broo7i...
Sarah: Il shabab? Laykoon intaw million wa7d 3indna fel jam3a? Int oo yousfoo bas!
Rashed: Haiii (**which means Yes in Emariti dialect) Maskeen yousef safer ilyoum wala..allah e3eena..
Sarah: (Lowering the volume on the radio) Laish esfeeh yousif?
Rashed: Wala maskeeeenn 9ada '6aref oo kan lazem erid il blad..maba agool zood...bas il7imdela 3ala kil shay..
Their conversation continued for the next few minutes..Till they reached the parking of Friends..Once they were seated, in the favorite table upstairs, in the big,cozy room,with the satelliate dish and large tv, sarah summarized the conversation she had with rashed..
He was really nice, its weird, He usually doesnt call you know that, I dont know why he's calling all of a sudden...You know i think he purposely wanted to mention the fact that Yousif had to travel..Im sure its on purpose btw!!9ij 7arkat shabab!! ahahah walah e'6a7koon!!Bas i want to ask you...Madri..Its weird...But i feel like I kinda like him..I dont know..I feel like I'm cheating on Salem!!
Sarah rambled on and on about her "emotional infidelity", while Naylah's thoughts were fixated on her diary..to a certain lesson she learned..
**Lessons Learnt from Failed Relationship Number 1 :
4- Almost cheating in a relationship = Actual Cheating
Here are some random thoughts I have about cheating. I was tempted more than once to cheat on Abdullah..I didnt cheat cheat on him..but i did talk to other guys..as friends..without him knowing..I might have liked one of these friends more than I should have..But i never actually DID anything..emotional infidelety I like to call it..It is not excusable if you feel terrible about it after it happens,and confessing your guilt is selfish. It will only make the guilty partner relieved and the other an utmost mess. Having a speacil connection with someone other than your partner when you are in a commited relatonship, is a warning sign...This warning sign flashes if you realize that you are talking/seeing/daydreaming about this someone more than you do with your actually partner..
Then, you get into the dangerous zone..This phase is the phase where you start comparing Mr.New Guy to Mr.Old one (your committed partner)..This is undoubtly, the hardest part..Do you give up everything you have...for a little thrill of something new? The thrill of the chase as they like to call it...
Is it worth it to throw a relationship you work so hard on for the thrill of running after something exciting, yet fresh?
Indeed, the funnest part of being in a relationship is the courtship in the beginning...However...Life..As I believe it, happens in phases..One cannot be in the courtship phase forever..Things progress..to the better or worse... Once you make the pained decision to let go of your little fantasy (as most guilty partners do at some point in the relationship) things are never the same. You stop feeling wat you used to feel..The chemistry that was once there isnt there anymore...thoughts of cheating consume you...The guilt eats you alive..No matter how hard you try..It is very very difficult not to compare..
In conclusion, I have had one serious act of emotional infidelity..After that incident..It was hard at me to look at Abdullah they way i did before..Im sure it was one of the many reasons that triggered the breakup..So my advice for my next relationship: Invest all your time to your realtionship.Nurture it,try to make it grow,your relationship is like a flower. If you shower it with attenion and love, it will grow and produce significant results.
Do not look for what is missing in your relationship by looking at other individuals and trying to find the MISSING traits in THEM!
"I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.." ( Henry Ward Beecher)
TBC...Wait for the next post to learn more details about Sarah's complicated love life!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Naylah, on the other hand, tried to contact him, unsucessfully that is. She called a million times after the break up, she sent him emails, offline msgs on MSN, long text messages pouring her heart out. She even asked him if they could give their relationship a second chance.
He insulted her..broke her heart...when he said.."I will think about it".. and then...he did the thing most guys do in his situation..IGNORE.men can be such bastards.
Naylah replayed the day of her breakup..She agonized over that day over and over. It was so hard for her to move on since Abdullah. He just called her one day, during his first semester @ Concordia University and said.. "I dont think I can do this anymore. We are too far apart..and I thought it would be easy..It's not..I dont think i can love you like before."
Basically, if one was to read between the lines. He only wanted her when she was in the same country. He wasted no time in making that point clear thats for sure.
Äbscence makes the heart grow fonder, , a quote that she was so fond of,one she thought she firmly believed in, when she was in love and a hopeless romantic and optimisit.
Naylah got out her diary..The same diary that witnessed Abdullah and her love blossom, crumble ,and finally..become a dark event in her history. It was the love that was not going to be. Her diary, post Abdullah, was a list of things she understood from her failed relationship. She promised herself she would reread that list when she felt like she was ready for another chance at love. She did not want to committ the same mistakes she once did.
Lessons Learnt from Failed Relationship Number 1 :
1-Never go to bed angry with one another
I used to shut the phone every time i had a fight with ahmed. the fites usually happened at night, since we usually talk from about 11 pm till like 2 or 3 am...I'd go to school in a zombie like state-but i was delerious and happy that it didnt even matter.
Id shut my phone for an hour, sometimes two,,when i would switch it back on, no less than four or five messages would light up my mobile screen, all from my baby, apologizing even if the fight was not his fault...He never tried to make me upset, but I sometimes just lookeed for reasons to have iniate fights.
Hence, to have a meangiful, stable, long-lasting realtionship is to keep the lines of communication open. Do not sleep or shut the phone or argue without resolving whatever issue there is at hand..Be accessible, open to hearing your respective other's opinion and argument in a cool, collected manner. Anger will not resolve anything. Being patient, and agreeing to disagree is a much better method.
2-Do not let your respective other take the blame for all your problems. Realizing that you are sometimes half the problem, is the solution.
Abdullah and I fought regularly-as evident from the earlier point..I personally believe having a fight every so often, is a sign of a healthy relationship. It would be weird to be in a committed relationship and never fight. Fighting strengthens your relationship and makes it even stronger..Making up after a fight is always nice too..So, back to the problem. I never admitted when i was wrong, i hardly said sorry. i would always take control of the situation, and somehow prove that it was he that was wrong, and never I.
That cycle got pretty old. 2 years into it..and I think it was one of the driving forces behind our breakup. It was wrong of me to always place the blame on him. I think i didnt realize it then, but with every fight (Which was my fault not his), he would start to dislike that characterstic in me. I guess over time, that negative charcterstic overshadowed all my good ones, as the bad always seems to overshine the good...
Thus, one should own up to his mistakes. If you did a mistake, fess up, take the blame, and apologize. Apologize as if you mean it. Not because you are obligied to,but because you want to. FYI- Its pretty easy to figure out if your apology is BS or not.
3- Do not allow others to meddle in your relationship. Remeber, you and him are in this realtionship. 2 people. Thats it! Not your sister,friend, best friend, cousin, or whoever it is you consult with and mingle with.
Everytime i had a fight/disagreement with Abdullah, i went around telling my close peeps all about it, not an excutive summary, but a very detailed one. then, i would hear each of their opinion's-no matter how harsh they were..Then, i would form my opionion based on wat the general consensus of what they all said. I think that was one of my biggest mistakes. Keep somethings to yourself, your relationship should be private..Discuss your problems with your partner. Do not indulge in a gossip-fest with all your friends and over analyze issues that you two may have.
What happens when you give all these people the power of analyzing/critizing your relationship? You give them the green light to meddle with your affairs..
I had a very close friend, who was friends with Abdullah too..Everytime we fought or something, I would talk to her the next day in school and ofcourse, blab all about it. She would take it all in, then call him or text him,saying wat i dont know ...
Abdullah told me this, after my relationship with this friend kind of came to an end.. He told be careful of who you trust, I wont go into details, but this particular friend..stay away from her.
I never knew what she said, I know for a fact that they were not good things. If I had not givin her the chance to meddle in my private life, she wouldnt have sent him her "thoughts" on our problems.
Needless to say, I am not friends with this "friend" anymore..
Naylah put down her diary, feeling a bit better. She picked up her mobile phone, went to her messages, and...
"Are you sure you want to delete this message?" Her phone asked her.
She clicked on yes, and headed to her bed. No more dwelling on the past, for the first time, in a very long time. Naylah can honestly say and believe that she, indeed has moved on. She spent a long time wondering why the break up happened. Rereading her diary..she realized and understood why.It was time to stop thinking about it, not dwell on it, and continue on with her life. She loved, she lost. But what she did gain, was the understanding of why it happened. She was able to understand that it was as much her fault, as it was his.She was finally able to say: Abdullah and I broke up.for various reasons. for a long time, we were both never happy, we just didnt realize it. We stayed in this relationship for the wrong reasons, and I know i wont go through something like that ever again.
Naylah needed to end this chapter in her life. Abdullah was now just a blimp in her past, closing chapters in life is one way of making other new chapters appear suddenly after you close one off.
Life is full of challenges, and hardships. Staying in one miserable phase of your life is not a bright choice. The blessing of forgiveness, and understanding, and learning makes it easier to move from chapter to chapter in one's life. She realized that sometimes you outgrow a pair of shoes. It's the same with moving on, and finding the direction/love that you need. Sometimes things dont fit, dont make sense,but one day they will make sense.
When that day comes, one then, will you able to move on, to the next (hopefully happier) phase of your life.
Happiness is a state of mind, the sooner you will realize it, the better of you will be.
Enough with the motivitonal thoughts, Naylah realized that it was 7 pm..time for her online date with her Yousif..
Embracing change and new phases now are we:)
**Love is a trembling happiness** (Famous quote, by the ever so famous Khalil Gibran)
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Naylah: I think this is a private matter..you wont even tell me your name and you want me to tell you such intimate details about my life??
Naylah: I cant believe you...
Sleepless in Bahrain: la laa latfahmeeenay '3ala6...u see im in an awkward position here..if i tell u my name,,then u tell me la sorry baba im dating someone,then im gonna see you for the next year in university, o bakoon mayet min il fasheela..if the tables were turned, you would prefer to stay anonymous too unless you were certain that you had a chance with this special someone.
Naylah: Ok..good point..I understand where you're coming from. I don't mind sharing this information with you, a9lan i already have it posted on my fb..I'm single.
Sleepless in Bahrain: :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Naylah: ahhaah so im guessing ure happy hehee....
Sleepless in Bahrain: you dont understand how happy I am to hear that. I was so certain that you were seeing someone. How can someone so pretty, so smart, so caring and honest like you still be single? Its not possible..I wish I can tell you everything I that i feel about you.but i really don't want to scare you..aahh...lo et3arfeeen gadrech 3inday walah..
Naylah: Thank you...matga9er..hay min 6eebik wmin 6eeb a9lik..
Sleepless in Bahrain: I have to leave now.I have an exam tomorrow and I still didnt study for it.
Naylah's heart skipped a beat..More than a beat actually..a couple..her thoughts were racing, and she felt she was going to explode..."Saroo...!!!! You know who has an exam tomorrow!!!!! fee amal its him!!!!!"...
Sarah: Ee 9ij tara bacher rab3na in History of Science and Technology 3indhum exam...and they're like 10 girls in that class and three guys!!!! Il 7ob oo these two freaky Nigerian dudes!!!!! no wayy uhma tara!! the nigerians wont talk nafsna!!UMABIIHH AKEED UHWAAAAAA NAYLOOOO TELL HIM SUMTHING!!""
Naylah found it hard to contain her excitement. Is this true, she wondered..Could it really be him? She felt a huge smile creep to her lips..She was sure now...She could feel it in her bones...It was him...She usually always trusted her gut feelings..She knew she had to give in to it this timme and realize that something good..something real..was actually happening to her...After all the drama that happened in her life with her stupid ex boyfriend...She needed to be happy. She needed a reason to keep moving,and a reason to keep living...After all the heartache she suffered, she swore that she would never gamble with the most precious thing she had, her love.
She quickly shut her thoughts..and turned her attention to the laptop and went back to the conversation..
Sleepless in Bahrain: Naylah..entay wain? I dont want to close the convo box without hearing from you..
Naylah: la 3adi yousif..roo7 edris..Professor Flan's tests are hard..you should hit the books ....
Sleepless in Bahrain: (Shocked smiley) How did you know!!!!! Laykoon sa7ra!!
Naylah: La ana Bahrainiya mo Omaniya...ahahhaah..
Sleepless in Bahrain: la la ma9adeg...wain awadee wayheee eheeen...bas goolliii shlon 3erftay!!
Naylah: I'm smart i guess..
Sleepless in Bahrain: Of course you are...I see your name on the Dean's List every semester..
Naylah: OK..how about you go study and we'll continue this chat tomorrow?
Sleepless in Bahrain: I don't want to leave you. I have so many things I need to tell you.
Naylah: I'm not going anywhere:)
Sleepless in Bahrain: Ok..can you come online at like 7? I'll be online from 5 onwards...I know you usually are in starbux till 620 anyways..so 7 will be the perfect time..
Naylah: Sounds great.See you then.Ciao and good luck.
Sleepless in Bahrain: Can't wait..Good night..again..I'm sorry for doing this ...this way i mean...see you tomorrow:)
Sleepless in Bahrain: Byeee:)
Naylah and Sarah jumped from underneath the covers, unable to contain their excitement..They started running around the room, yelling and screaming. It was as if their favorite team just won the world cup. They were overjoyed...It has been three years of obsessive analyzation and many stalking days, and many conversations about how to "get" the guy.il 7ob.the guy she fell in love with the moment she saw him.Today was a victory. A victory for all the girls who were too scared to do the first move on a guy they worshiped. It was finally her time to shine.
A time for their love, which she one thought, was one sided to grow and mature..
Ring Ring.....Their excitement was rudely interrupted by the sound of the annoying dorm room phone...Sarah huffed and puffed as she made her way through her messy room, with the mountains of clothes on the floor,bed,on top of the fridge, on the desk..basically...clothes were everywhere...
Supervisor: Sara!!! ay dah ya bint!!! bet3ay6oo laih!!!
Sarah: laaaa 5alti wala 9ar shay wayed ewanis!! sorry i7eeen nasket oo in9ik il bab...
Supervisor: Bo9i ba2a..7amasheeha hal mara bas!!! Ti9ba7ooo 3ala alf 5airrr!
Sarah: Inshallah!! ma3a alf salmaa!! (in a weird Egyptian accent)
Naylah was cracking up...It was always sarah that got the blame...The girls always gathered around her room. It was the hangout..It was the messiest, most loudest room in the entire dorm.
Sarah and Naylah started discussing wardrobe options as she was going to "accidentally" be in the same building where Yousif's exam was going to be held..
Naylah got up and read the text message she got on her cell.She couldn't believe it. Her face suddenly became pale..no no..it cant be she thought to herself..
" I miss you"
Monday, February 2, 2009
Naylah couldn't believe her eyes...She reread the email once again, puzzled by its content. Who could it be, she thought? Could it be her best friend Sarah playing a practical joke on her? It must be who would send such an email??
This is what the email read:
I know this is going to be weird. So i urge you not to think that I'm a psycho-stalker (I'm not btw), bas I really wanted to tell you something. I see you and talk to you almost every day in class, but i never have the guts to tell you what I feel. I really like you. I have since the first day we took Introduction to History together back in 2005...three years ago and I still don't have the nerve. Could you please add me on the following email email@example.com? I promise I will explain everything.
P.S. You looked hot today.
Naylah picked up her new silver Nokia phone, and quickly texted Sarah.."Coming to your room now open the door...".
Less than a minute later, one message received pops up on her screen "already open..get junk if u have any"..
Naylah threw a robe over her purple jalabiya, since it was getting cold and quickly looked around for her room access key..Uffft she grumbled to herself, if i had stayed at home this semester, i wouldn't be looking for this stupid key.. She let it go, and left her door unlocked and headed to Sarah's room.
The door was wide open. She didn't even bother knocking, Sarah and Naylah were the bestest of friends. They met on the first day of university, and were close ever since. Sarah understood Naylah without Naylah ever having to say a word. This was deep. Their friendship was something neither of them ever took for granted.
Sarah was on her tiny single bed, very pink and girly. Naylah plopped on the bed, squeezed next to Sarah, and quickly got out the pack of chips she got with her.
"ma bat9adgeeen the news I have sarooo!!! Major Major 911 updates".... Sarah, who was kinda sleepy, was suddenly alert, "Finally, Uff i was waiting for something to happen all day..youma
Naylah quickly logged on to her university email, and read the email to Sarah..
Sarah couldnt contain her excitement: "Umabiiiiiiiiiiih...U have an admirer!!!! ooo weyana fel jama3a!!!! ansasaaaaa!! Shnoo betlbseen bacher?""
Naylah cracked up...only Sarah would say such stuff in these events..."Laaaaaa hay mo mohim..i7een gooleee shasweee? Asawee add 7ag thee winchoof uhwa min? Oo if it's a joke y3ni a7ad ybeeee yesawee 7araka bay5a binraweeehum!!""
Sarah added..."Duh....that's not an option..yala sawee log min my msn.shakla il7ob ma bedish online ilyoum...yalaa log in abay a3arf thee min!"
Naylah prayed and prayed..Inshallah ekooon Yousif..Yousif was an Emarti guy she had liked ever since she laid eyes on him. He was tall, tanned with broad shoulders. He had the nicest hazel eyes that sparkled every time they talk. They didn't talk much, to her disappointment. Although it was easier to talk to him since they were both studying History...They had almost all their classes together for the past three years. She has gotten up the nerve to say boring things like "Ha...shno sawaiat fl emt7an....meta betsafer...Professor X 7ada sa5eef.." Nothing major y3ni..Basic Stupid sewalef...She wished he was the one..bas 5asara, she thought, he's not the shy type. He wouldn't use this approach?
Naylah's msn finally logged in..After what seemed like hours.."Yallaa add him" Sarah squealed, stealing the bag of chips from her best friend..."Yummm...a7la nou3 wala..ha gooleee online uhwa?"
Naylah didnt have the time to respond since sleepless in
The following is the beginning of what will be the most important chat of her life:
Naylah: ibwjoodek...Momken etgoolee int min?
Naylah: Hmm...you know we are almost 40 students in every class..sha3rfnay int ay freak minhum hahaha...
Naylah: If this is a joke,
Naylah's heart stopped...Shino yabeee egool thee b3ad...uff..wala chan zain ma sawiat add....ymken bas hes playing a joke..who would be interested in me a9lan...she thought silently. What if its a daga by Abdullah? .not wanting to share these thoughts with Sarah, who hated Abdullah and who promised to cut her tongue if she bought up his name again....Inzain itha mo 3abdulla..ymekn a7ad mo3jab? She thought silently...but found it hard to believe, if i was really a catch, chan Abdullah wouldn't have broken up with me..Naylah invested four years in that relationship. She thought she had it all, the perfect boyfriend, the boyfriend that she would proudly call her husband .Then, he ruined it. After graduation (from high school, that is), they both went their separate ways.. Abdullah, and a bunch of his friends went to
"Naylooo!!!! shfeeech wainach entayy!!"" Sarah's loud voice interrupted her intense thoughts...
"Laa laa sorry yatnii il nooda !! ga3da afaker 3an thee flan ma3arf itha its a joke or something...maybe i should just block delete? Shrayech"
Sarah's eyes popped..."maynoona entay!! nabee action shfeech nissiaty ana oo intay we RARELY HAVE action...since we have somehting now,lets just go with the flow and find out who it is!! wala niktaa thee flan!! Abee a3arf shaka fee a couple of people a9lan"
Back to the Instant Messaging Conversation...
Naylah: eee weyak sorry...had a phone call...
Naylah: Es2l..bas u have to tell me who you are 3ogeb ma ajaweb...
(to be continued that is!! Stay tuned for Post 2!!)