Naylah was upset.. How can he send her a message like this? After all the years that passed, this was the first sign of contact between them. Sure she saw him alot in bahrain during the Christmas holiday, in Starbux @ Cyprus garden, or the starbux in zinj..or sometimes she'd see him in Coco's or Zoe's...A couple of glances here and there..But he never made contact since the day of the break up..
Naylah, on the other hand, tried to contact him, unsucessfully that is. She called a million times after the break up, she sent him emails, offline msgs on MSN, long text messages pouring her heart out. She even asked him if they could give their relationship a second chance.
He insulted her..broke her heart...when he said.."I will think about it".. and then...he did the thing most guys do in his situation..IGNORE.men can be such bastards.
Naylah replayed the day of her breakup..She agonized over that day over and over. It was so hard for her to move on since Abdullah. He just called her one day, during his first semester @ Concordia University and said.. "I dont think I can do this anymore. We are too far apart..and I thought it would be easy..It's not..I dont think i can love you like before."
Basically, if one was to read between the lines. He only wanted her when she was in the same country. He wasted no time in making that point clear thats for sure.
Äbscence makes the heart grow fonder, , a quote that she was so fond of,one she thought she firmly believed in, when she was in love and a hopeless romantic and optimisit.
Naylah got out her diary..The same diary that witnessed Abdullah and her love blossom, crumble ,and finally..become a dark event in her history. It was the love that was not going to be. Her diary, post Abdullah, was a list of things she understood from her failed relationship. She promised herself she would reread that list when she felt like she was ready for another chance at love. She did not want to committ the same mistakes she once did.
Lessons Learnt from Failed Relationship Number 1 :
1-Never go to bed angry with one another
I used to shut the phone every time i had a fight with ahmed. the fites usually happened at night, since we usually talk from about 11 pm till like 2 or 3 am...I'd go to school in a zombie like state-but i was delerious and happy that it didnt even matter.
Id shut my phone for an hour, sometimes two,,when i would switch it back on, no less than four or five messages would light up my mobile screen, all from my baby, apologizing even if the fight was not his fault...He never tried to make me upset, but I sometimes just lookeed for reasons to have iniate fights.
Hence, to have a meangiful, stable, long-lasting realtionship is to keep the lines of communication open. Do not sleep or shut the phone or argue without resolving whatever issue there is at hand..Be accessible, open to hearing your respective other's opinion and argument in a cool, collected manner. Anger will not resolve anything. Being patient, and agreeing to disagree is a much better method.
2-Do not let your respective other take the blame for all your problems. Realizing that you are sometimes half the problem, is the solution.
Abdullah and I fought regularly-as evident from the earlier point..I personally believe having a fight every so often, is a sign of a healthy relationship. It would be weird to be in a committed relationship and never fight. Fighting strengthens your relationship and makes it even stronger..Making up after a fight is always nice too..So, back to the problem. I never admitted when i was wrong, i hardly said sorry. i would always take control of the situation, and somehow prove that it was he that was wrong, and never I.
That cycle got pretty old. 2 years into it..and I think it was one of the driving forces behind our breakup. It was wrong of me to always place the blame on him. I think i didnt realize it then, but with every fight (Which was my fault not his), he would start to dislike that characterstic in me. I guess over time, that negative charcterstic overshadowed all my good ones, as the bad always seems to overshine the good...
Thus, one should own up to his mistakes. If you did a mistake, fess up, take the blame, and apologize. Apologize as if you mean it. Not because you are obligied to,but because you want to. FYI- Its pretty easy to figure out if your apology is BS or not.
3- Do not allow others to meddle in your relationship. Remeber, you and him are in this realtionship. 2 people. Thats it! Not your sister,friend, best friend, cousin, or whoever it is you consult with and mingle with.
Everytime i had a fight/disagreement with Abdullah, i went around telling my close peeps all about it, not an excutive summary, but a very detailed one. then, i would hear each of their opinion's-no matter how harsh they were..Then, i would form my opionion based on wat the general consensus of what they all said. I think that was one of my biggest mistakes. Keep somethings to yourself, your relationship should be private..Discuss your problems with your partner. Do not indulge in a gossip-fest with all your friends and over analyze issues that you two may have.
What happens when you give all these people the power of analyzing/critizing your relationship? You give them the green light to meddle with your affairs..
I had a very close friend, who was friends with Abdullah too..Everytime we fought or something, I would talk to her the next day in school and ofcourse, blab all about it. She would take it all in, then call him or text him,saying wat i dont know ...
Abdullah told me this, after my relationship with this friend kind of came to an end.. He told be careful of who you trust, I wont go into details, but this particular friend..stay away from her.
I never knew what she said, I know for a fact that they were not good things. If I had not givin her the chance to meddle in my private life, she wouldnt have sent him her "thoughts" on our problems.
Needless to say, I am not friends with this "friend" anymore..
Naylah put down her diary, feeling a bit better. She picked up her mobile phone, went to her messages, and...
"Are you sure you want to delete this message?" Her phone asked her.
She clicked on yes, and headed to her bed. No more dwelling on the past, for the first time, in a very long time. Naylah can honestly say and believe that she, indeed has moved on. She spent a long time wondering why the break up happened. Rereading her diary..she realized and understood why.It was time to stop thinking about it, not dwell on it, and continue on with her life. She loved, she lost. But what she did gain, was the understanding of why it happened. She was able to understand that it was as much her fault, as it was his.She was finally able to say: Abdullah and I broke up.for various reasons. for a long time, we were both never happy, we just didnt realize it. We stayed in this relationship for the wrong reasons, and I know i wont go through something like that ever again.
Naylah needed to end this chapter in her life. Abdullah was now just a blimp in her past, closing chapters in life is one way of making other new chapters appear suddenly after you close one off.
Life is full of challenges, and hardships. Staying in one miserable phase of your life is not a bright choice. The blessing of forgiveness, and understanding, and learning makes it easier to move from chapter to chapter in one's life. She realized that sometimes you outgrow a pair of shoes. It's the same with moving on, and finding the direction/love that you need. Sometimes things dont fit, dont make sense,but one day they will make sense.
When that day comes, one then, will you able to move on, to the next (hopefully happier) phase of your life.
Happiness is a state of mind, the sooner you will realize it, the better of you will be.
Enough with the motivitonal thoughts, Naylah realized that it was 7 pm..time for her online date with her Yousif..
Embracing change and new phases now are we:)
**Love is a trembling happiness** (Famous quote, by the ever so famous Khalil Gibran)