Dear Readers,

Dear Readers,

I miss you all alot. Im sorry for not posting in a long time!! But ive been super super busy these days!!
Promise i will write a v.long post tomm!

Love you all.

HUGS And kisses to you all.

Drama Post #12

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

FYI- This post is going to be in 1st person's perspective (Naylah's)

One week later:

I spent the entire week in bed. I don't quite recall how time passed. I spent it crying, feeling sorry for myself, and quite frankly mad at myself. How did i reach this stage? I have no reliable friends..I only had Sarah. Had. Past tense. I had her and a bunch of other friends-but it wasn't the same.
The love of my life turned out to be a fantasy. Too good to be true. The love of my life was a cheater, liar and traitor. Funny how he is all these things and I still pine for him.
My heart hurts so much, i cannot get his picture out of my mind. I replayed the entire conversation in my head a million times. I reread his messages, emails, our chat logs repeatedly. I don't know what I was doing. I felt like a zombie. I felt dead.
I was lifeless. I didn't even leave the room to spend time with my family. My excuse was studies and that I had an important paper to write.
I cried so much that my eyes hurt now. I literally drowned in my tears.
I guess this is what heartbreak feels like.
I often wonder-why is it called heartbreak..it is not only my heart that feels broken..but all of me..I cannot understand why this happened to me. Why did I not see it coming???
I feel like I am going crazy.

The pain wrenches my insides. It pulls me apart.. I know that I will get over this someday. Even though i know i will continue living, i honesetly do not want to go on living.I am a pretty smart person. Studies wise that is, not street smart thats for sure. I understand that there are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept.
Things that we don't want to know but are forced to learn.

The thing I know most is that there are some people we can't live without but have to let go. No matter how hard.

See I know all these things. And yet. I lay in bed,crying and again feeling sorry for myself. I couldnt change the fact the fact the Sarah betryaed me. Couldnt change the fact that I was lied to by a man i loved for three years. I wish he loved me. I wish he was mine. I wish I can force him to love me and leave her. I cant. I cant force myself to stop loving him.
They say time heals all wounds. How can they say that when all it does is give me MORE time to rethink this mess.

I am a mess.

I began reading my emails since I was beyond bored-and was trying to get over the images of Sarah,Yousif, and His wife out of my head.
One email particularty stuck out. The name of the sender made my heart stop.
It was from my professor, who was more a close friend than a teacher..

Dearest Naylah:

I have not seen you in any of your classes this week. I sincerly hope that you are not ill. Havent seen Yousif around as well..You two are usually attached at the hip. I cant quite put a finger to it. But I have a strong hunch that things between you two are not great. I did recenlty hear that he is getting married.

I hope to see you back in your classes Naylah. You are a bright, smart girl. Btw- I've had my heart broken quite a few times. There is nothing I can tell you to make you feel better. But I will try to push you in the right direction.
My door is open anytime to you.Feel free to drop by anytime.

I came across a text, that I hope you read and hopefully,have time to reflect about.
It is the following:

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on
staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the
meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it,
what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have
finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting
friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell
yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things
that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust,
just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your
parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister,
everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on
with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even
when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed
will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons
that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night
relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least
intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is
why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you
have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the
invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of
certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take
their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this
life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not
expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated,
your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on
your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again,
the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only
poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are
broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions
that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter
is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has
passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could
live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit
is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it
is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply
because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record,
clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change
into who you are.One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If
we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness
and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.


This excerpt has helped me move on Naylah, I do hope it has the same effect for you.
Best of luck,
NM


And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

I left my safe haven. I left bed, and headed to the shower. After a long bubble bath, and lathering my body with aroma creams and lotions, I came to a decision.
I will get over it. I will move on. No matter how long it takes.
Later that day, I emailed my professor back.

Dear Professor,

Thank you for your kind email and words. You cannot believe the instant effects it had on me.I will tell you everything when I see you.
I need your help and advice on an urgent matter.
Do you think it would be possible to transfer to the Dubai branch of the university this late in the semester?
I need to get away from Bahrain.
Please help.

Best regards,
Naylah

With that, I felt alive. I felt like a new person. I will start a new chapter in my life. I will leave Bahrain, I will leave the pain and heartbreak.
I will move to the United Arab Emirates, I will fight my father till he agrees. I will.

I need a new life.



Love is like a puzzle. When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. ~Author Unknown

Drama Post # 11

Let me hold you
For the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can’t feel anything

Naylah confronted Sarah. She gave her no warning, no heads up. She marched into her dorm room, the once that was filled with love, warmth and comfort. Today the room was cold and bitter. Sarah denied everything. She said that she was indeed clubbing, with her girls. Yousif saw her there and was trying to dance with her. When Naylah pressed her for more information,Sarah exclaimed that he tried to not only kiss her, but touch her inappropriately. She refused his advances, and left soon afterward.

Naylah did not know what to believe. Sarah seemed so sincere, she was crying, and looked really hurt. How can you not trust me, she sobbed.

For the first time, in a long time, Naylah was able to see right through Sarah. What she saw was a liar. A girl, supposedly, her best friend, who had her back, was lying straight to her face. Something ticked in her head. Her gut feeling confirmed it. Sarah was lying, she couldn't even look Naylah in the eye.

Naive was one of Naylah's traits. She was too kind for her own good.

Before Naylah left the room, after calmly explaining to Sarah that she no longer wanted to see her, nor hear from her. She will not forgive, nor forget. She will continue on living her life, without being there for Sarah anymore. She will not hold her hand, be there for her when things got rough. She was over it. Over with being so fucking stupid, over being lied at by someone she thought the world of.

"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness", Naylah said in a soft voice, before exiting Sarah's room.

Sarah broke down in tears, hugging her knees to her chest, swaying back and forth, unable to contain the salty tears that were cascading her swollen face. She deserved it. She lied. She loved and she lost. She lost the most important person. She realized that you only realize a true person's worth when they leave...

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it’s not enough
To make it all okay

Naylah was surprised that she was so calm. She was oddly relaxed. She needed to get that out of her system. She felt lighter. Sarah's evident betrayal was heartbreaking, devastating, BUT..that does not mean she was going to dwell on it. Life is too short, too precious to be friends with people who lie. She could forgive anything, anyone, but being lied to, from your closest friend, is where she drew the red lie.

The next item on the agenda was to talk to Yousif. She needed to talk to him and see what was this "urgent" thing he needed to discuss with her. A strong hunch told her that it was going to be the incident in Club 7.
She could breathe. Life was good..It would only get better from here.


Oh the truth hurts
A lie is worse
I can’t like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Naylah:Where do you want to meet?
Yousif: How about Hong Kong?
Naylah:No, somewhere else?
Yousif: Tabeen Zoé's ?
Naylah: NOO
Yousif: 7abeebtay esfeech, laykoon its that time of the month. Hehehehe..Shrayach ib carla's ily fe cypress garden?
Naylah: Sure. Half an hour?
Yousif: Am less than 5 mins away.
Naylah: Well. I'm not. See you in half an hour.

45 minutes later:

Naylah walked in Carla's, feeling like a million bucks. She was wearing her new favorite,high waisted, black bubble skirt, with a plain white top, and a colorful pashmina. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, showing off her newly cut bangs.
Yousif was sitting in a table, drinking a hot cup of coffee. When he saw her approaching, he quickly got up, and gave her an akward hug.
Hmm, he thought, this is the first time she doenst hold me tightly. She couldn't possibly know?
Naylah sat down, not next to him, but in the seat that was the furthest from him. She didnt need to be next to him, she could feel his eyes burning into hers. She felt like she was melting again.

Yousif: I need to talk to you about something. I dont know how to start.
Naylah: Well. You gotta start somewhere.
Yousif: (taken back for her lack of emotion, taken back by the cold,icy daggers that her pretty green eyes were shooting at him. Those eyes, were always smiling,and twinkling. What happened, he thought. Guilt was weighing him down. It was time. He needed to say this. Naylah was a good girl. He couldnt. He wouldnt.)
umm...hmmm..ummmm...
Naylah: Yebtnay min il manama for hmmm oo ummm ya yousif?
Yousif: Naylah, ana a7bech. Bas i cant be with you.
Naylah: (confused) what? what are you talking about?
Yousif: I wanted to tell you this so many times. I am so so sorry Naylah.
Naylah: Sorry for what? tell me yousif.. tell me now
Yousif: I'm getting married. Melchna that weekend ily safarat feeha.

Naylah was utterly and totally shocked.She was lost. She died. She died inside. Not only was her heart broken. She felt broken.

But we’re running through the fire
When there’s nothing left to say
It’s like chasing the very last train
When we both know it’s too late

(Broken Strings, James Morriosn feat. Nelly Furtado)

Drama Post # 10

Naylah quickly excused herself, and left Caramel cafe. She couldn't stand being there. She couldn't bring herself to drive, her hands were shaking. Her entire body was trembling. She couldn't believe it.A million questions ran through her exhausted brain...Why didn't Salem tell her about Club 7? Since when did Sarah go to clubs?? Even so, why wouldn't she tell Naylah about it? maybe she was just there and saw him and said hello? For sure, they wouldn't be on a date???
Naylah was so shocked that tears kept falling down her face. She sat in the car for over an hour..
Crying like there was no tomorrow.
Crying for being left in the dark.
Crying for the fact that her bestest friend in the world is keeping secrets from her.
Crying for the fact that it was her best friend's ex boyfriend who told her.
Crying for the fact that she was played.

hours later:
@ 01:00 am

Naylah went home after staying in the parking lot of Caramel for over an hour . Home as in not the dorms, but her actual house in Saar. She needed to be away from it all. She needed to think clearly about how she was going to confront Sarah.
She needed to be in her bed. Her cozy bed and her loving family. Nothing made her happier than being at home.
She glanced at her mobile phone.

10 missed calls. 7 from Sarah, and 3 from Yousif.
3 messages. All from Sarah.

Message 1: Wainaaaaaaaach??? awal mara met25ara 3an curfew! please come i need you. So lonely and upset..

Message 2: Ok..this is not funny! now im getting worried ! where the hell are u bitch!!

Message 3: Call me when you see this!! 911..

Naylah switched off her phone. She wasnt in the mood for reading these messages. She went to bed, still in her date clothes, and fell asleep with tears in her eyes.
Just when my life was becoming perfect, this happens, was the last thought before she fell into deep sleep.

Sarah was getting worried about Naylah. This was so unlike her. Her phone was always with her, and she never skipped curfew. Never.
She decided that she would call Yousif and ask him about Naylah's whereabouts.

Sarah: Aloo..gowa yousif
Yousif: na3am sarah shoo tabeen
Sarah:Afaaaaaaaa shno hal kalam..
Yousif: Ana cham mara getlach ya Sarah, dont call me. I'm serious, i've had it. You know I'm with your best friend now. Dont you feel bad for what your doing??
Sarah: What she wont know wont hurt her Yousif. You know how I feel towards you.. What we had.I never forgot it..
Yousif: Wala inach wa7da ma testa7yeen 3ala wayhech oo ana bacher bakalem Naylah oo bagoolha kil shay. I was drunk. get over it..
Sarah: (Laughing)Like she'll ever believe you. Your words against mine.

With that she shut the phone, forgetting why she called in the first place. She felt a pang of guilt for doing that to her best friend. But she couldn't resist him. The night they spent together was unforgettable. Naylah would surely understand. She always does, she reassured herself.
He's a keeper, she thought. She was going to do everything in her willpower to get him.
She quickly sent him a message..
Yousif I'm sorry for the things I said- I just don't want to hurt Naylah in this. She never has to know. And i wont say a thing. So do the right thing. Telling her will only make things worse. I know it. Let's go for a drink tomorrow. We'll talk..What do you say?

She waited and waited for a response. To her utter disappointment. She didn't get a response.
However, she didn't care. When she wanted something she got it. She never settled for less.
If at first you don't succeed, she told herself, then try try again.

07:00 am

Naylah woke up, feeling better. She needed to be strong now, she wasn't about to play the victim now. It was time for her to confront Sarah, then Yousif of course. She was going to be her strong, confident self. She promised herself that she wasn't going to break down again.
Nothing was worth it, she thought to herself. She switched on her cell phone. Surprised to see how many messages she got.

Her phone was beeping.
6 messages:
10 missed call notifications from Sarah.
5 missed call notifications from Yousif.
3 missed call notifications from the dorms.
2 missed call notifications from Salem.
1 messages from Salem:

naylah, sugar, please dont be upset. Tried calling you a few times, your phone was shut. I hope you're feeling better. Sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news. Umwa7. Call me when you can. Salem.

She smiled. Salem can be so sweet.

The last message was from Yousif.

7obi, laish ma kalamteenay? wala ga3ed a7ateech. I barely slept last night, waiting for you. Everything okay? I need to talk to you. Its quite urgent. Can I see you sometime today? bayeech wherever you are. I'm ditching uni today, going to sleep now..Atrayech 7abeebtay :****

She deleted the text, got out of bed, and drew the curtains. She opened the windows, and blinds. She breathed in the fresh air, and closed her eyes. She felt like she was breathing again. Yesterday was the worst day of her life. She was determined to get answers today.

Something has to be done.


“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” (Reinhold Niebuhr, year unknown)

Drama Post # 9

After Naylah and Yousif finished their little make-out session. They headed to the movies, grabbed a large popcorn for them to share and got comfortable in their seats. Naylah was feeling a bit guilty when she realized that things did get a bit too far, and it was always a policy of her, never to kiss on the first date! Not only did she freaking break that rule, she even sat on his lap!!! She felt like giving herself a slap in the face..She needs to grow up and stop thinking with her heart, but with her mind for a change.

Meanwhile, Sarah was heaving a hard time getting over her break up with Salem. She was happy it ended. But she was devastated at the same time too. She tried to occupy herself with studies and writing the papers she kept postponing, but she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed and actually be productive. She was pathetic. Lying in bed, listening to sad songs.
Why is it when we feel sad, we want to feel sadder by listening to really sad emotional songs that make us feel even worse?

Sarah was upset. She knew she hurt Salem, but his harsh email brought all the pain back..

Sarah:

I really don't know why I am sending you this email. You really hurt me, and I think I'm beginning to move on. I'm trying to forget you, its so hard Sarah. I need to see you to give you all the gifts you given me, your pictures, everything. I don't need to see anything that reminds me of you. It hurts.
It hurts a little less each day though..I am doing fine, i dont need you. I never needed you. You are nothing to me now. After this email, you no longer will be in my mind.
You are a heartless person. I really hope that one day someone you love does the same too you.

Only then will you know what heartbreak is, because it feels like the air is being sucked out of my life. I cant breath, i cant eat nor sleep. you consume all my thoughts. i cry everyday. I'm an utter mess.
Yeah , I lied. Guess I'm not really fine.

i hate you Sarah.



After the movie ended, the rest of the night was a blur. Sarah called her in tears, and after that Naylah couldn't focus on her date. She wanted to go back home. Sarah was in bad shape and she needed to be with her. She wasn't being the greatest friend in the world.
As she making her way to the car, she got a text message.

One message received.

Salem: Naylah, I need to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere to talk? I'm in caramel cafe in Cyprus Garden, will be there for the next couple of hours. If you can pass by, I will be eternally grateful. Salem.

Naylah: Sure, will be there in less than ten minutes. Cant stay long though. Xx

Naylah decided that she wasn't going to tell Sarah about this. It would only upset her. But how could Naylah take sides in this ugly break up? She was the mutual friend.She got in her car, raised the volume, and began singing along to the fun, upbeat song on the radio. She wanted to loosen up a bit, and relax. She was tense, and didn't like it.

Music always did the trick. It always seemed to make her feel better. Singing along definitely helps too.

Cyprus Garden, Caramel, 09:00 pm

Caramel was a nice, very quiet cafe. Everyone loved it because of its cozy atmosphere. Salem was sitting in the far end. He looked different. His eyes lost their usual sparkle, and he had dark circles under his eyes. It was evident that he was not getting enough sleep. He also lost a bit of weight.
How come when guys are getting through a break-up, they look better, while girls pile on the weight eating cookies and chips?

Naylah kissed Salem's cheeks whilst greeting him, and plopped on the chair next to him.
Naylah: Ha Salem...3ash min chafak walah!!
Salem: Halla feech...Thanks inach yeetay..I really appreciate it..
Naylah: (Laughing) Affa 3aliak..you're still my friend..You and Sarah break up doesn't mean we stop being friends !!
Salem: Listen, I need to ask you something. And i want you to answer me truthfully..
Naylah: Sure, go ahead.
Salem: (With a serious look) Is Sarah dating that emariti guy?
Naylah: ay wa7ed feehum? fee two la?
Salem: Yousif, thak il m3a'6el..

Naylah was taken back..and laughed out laughed..and exclaimed that She was seeing yousif and not Sarah. Salem did not look convinced.

Salem: I have my sources Naylah. They saw them together this weekend in Club 7..I have pictures too.

Naylah's heart dropped and she thought this cannot be happening. Funny how it took years to build up trust, and just seconds to destroy it.


"It is by chance we met . . .
By choice we became friends."